璇玑之心刃·冷血悍将-第167章

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‘Thanks；　Sandy。‘
‘Well；　John；　you‘re　healthy；　too。　Put　your　shirt　on　before　Sandy　starts　blushing；‘　Rosen　added　with　a　chuckle。
‘Where　do　you　get　lunch　around　here？‘　Kelly　asked。
‘I‘d　show　you　myself；　but　I　have　a　conference　in　about　ten　minutes。　Sandy？‘
She　checked　her　watch。　‘About　time　for　mine。　You　want　to　risk　hospital　food　or　something　outside？‘
‘You‘re　the　tour　guide；　ma‘am。‘
She　guided　him　to　the　cafeteria；　where　the　food　was　hospital…bland；　but　you　could　add　salt　and　other　spices　if　you　wanted。　Kelly　selected　something　that　might　be　filling；　even　healthy；　to　pensate　for　the　lack　of　taste。
‘Have　you　been　keeping　busy？‘　he　asked　after　they　selected　a　table。
‘Always；‘　Sandy　assured　him。
‘Where　do　you　live？‘
‘Off　Loch　Raven　Boulevard；　just　in　the　County。‘　She　hadn‘t　changed；　Kelly　saw。　Sandy　O‘Toole　was　functioning；　quite　well　in　fact；　but　the　emptiness　in　her　life　wasn‘t　qualitatively　different　from　his。　The　real　difference　was　that　he　could　do　something；　she　could　not。　She　was　reaching　out；　she　had　a　capacity　for　good　humor；　but　her　grief　overcame　it　at　every　turn。　A　powerful　force；　grief。　There　were　advantages　in　having　enemies　you　could　seek　out　and　eliminate。　Fighting　a　shadow　was　far　more　difficult。
‘Row　house；　like　they　have　around　here？‘
‘No；　it‘s　an　old　bungalow；　whatever　you　call　it；　big　square　two…story　house。　Half　an　acre。　That　reminds　me；‘　she　added。　‘I　have　to　cut　the　grass　this　weekend。‘　Then　she　remembered　that　Tim　had　liked　cutting　grass；　had　decided　to　leave　the　Army　after　his　second　Vietnam　tour　and　get　his　law　degree　and　live　a　normal　kind　of　life；　all　of　that　taken　away　from　her　by　little　people　in　a　distant　place。
Kelly　didn‘t　know　what　she　was　thinking；　exactly；　but　he　didn‘t　have　to。　The　change　in　her　expression；　the　way　her　voice　trailed　off；　said　it　all。　How　to　cheer　her　up？　It　was　a　strange　question　for　him；　considering　his　plans　for　the　next　few　weeks。
‘You　were　very　kind　to　me　while　I。　was　upstairs。　Thanks。‘
‘We　try　to　take　care　of　our　patients；‘　she　said　with　a　friendly　and　unaccustomed　expression。
‘A　face　as　pretty　as　yours　should　do　that　more；‘　Kelly　told　her。
‘Do　what？‘
‘Smile。‘
‘It‘s　hard；‘　she　said；　serious　again。
‘I　know；　ma‘am。　But　I　did　have　you　laughing　before；‘　Kelly　told　her。
‘You　surprised　me。‘
‘It‘s　Tim；　isn‘t　it？‘　he　asked；　jolting　her。　People　weren‘t　supposed　to　talk　about　that；　were　they？
She　stared　into　Kelly‘s　eyes　for　perhaps　five　seconds。　‘I　just　don‘t　understand。‘
‘In　some　ways　it‘s　easy。　In　some　ways　it‘s　hard。　The　hard　part；‘　Kelly　said；　thinking　it　through　himself　as　he　did　so；　‘is　understanding　why　people　make　it　necessary；　why　people　do　things　like　that。　What　it　es　down　to　is；　there　are　bad　people　out　there；　and　somebody　has　to　deal　with　them；　‘cuz　if　you　don‘t；　then　someday　they‘ll　deal　with　you。　You　can　try　ignoring　them；　but　that　doesn‘t　ever　work；　really。　And　sometimes　you　see　things　you　just　can‘t　ignore。‘　Kelly　leaned　back；　searching　for　more　words。　‘You　see　lots　of　bad　things　here；　Sandy。　I‘ve　seen　worse。　I‘ve　watched　people　doing　things　…‘
‘Your　nightmare？‘
Kelly　nodded。　‘That‘s　right。　I　almost　got　myself　killed　that　night。‘
‘What　was　…‘
‘You　don‘t　want　to　know；　honest。　I　mean；　I　don‘t　understand　that　part　either；　how　people　can　do　things　like　that。　Maybe　they　believe　in　something　so　much　that　they　stop　remembering　that　it‘s　important　to　be　human。　Maybe　they　want　something　so　much　that　they　don‘t　care。　Maybe　there‘s　just　something　wrong　with　them；　how　they　think；　how　they　feel。　I　don‘t　know。　But　what　they　do　is　real。　Somebody　has　to　try　and　stop　it。‘　Even　when　you　know　it‘s　not　going　to　work；　Kelly　didn‘t　have　the　heart　to　add。　How　could　he　tell　her　that　her　husband　had　died　for　a　failure？
‘My　husband　was　a　knight　in　shiny　armor　on　a　white　horse？　Is　that　what　you‘re　telling　me？‘
‘You‘re　the　one　wearing　white；　Sandy。　You　fight　against　one　kind　of　enemy。　There‘s　other　kinds。　Somebody　has　to　fight　against　them；　too。‘
‘I‘ll　never　understand　why　Tim　had　to　die。‘
It　really　came　down　to　that；　Kelly　thought。　It　wasn‘t　about　great　political　or　social　issues。　Everyone　had　a　life；　which　was　supposed　to　have　a　natural　end　after　an　amount　of　time　determined　by　God　or　Fate　or　something　men　weren‘t　supposed　to　control。　He‘d　seen　young　men　die；　and　caused　his　share　of　deaths；　each　life　something　of　value　to　its　owner　and　others；　and　how　did　you　explain　to　the　others　what　it　was　all　about？　For　that　matter；　how　did　you　explain　it　to　yourself？　But　that　was　from　the　outside。　From　the　inside　it　was　something　else。　Maybe　that　was　the　answer。
‘You　do　some　pretty　hard　work；　right？‘
‘Yes；‘　Sandy　said；　nodding　a　little。
‘Why　not　do　something　easier？　I　mean；　work　a　department　where　it‘s　different；　I　don‘t　know　…　the　nursery；　maybe？　That‘s　a　happy　place；　right？‘
‘Pretty　much；‘　the　nurse　admitted。
‘It‘s　still　important；　too；　right？　Taking　care　of　little　babies；　it‘s　routine；　yeah；　but　it　still　has　to　be　done　the　right　way；　doesn‘t　it？‘
‘Of　course。‘
‘But　you　don‘t　do　that。　You　work　Neuro。　You　do　the　hard　stuff。‘
‘Somebody　has　to　…‘　Bingo！　Kelly　thought；　cutting　her　off。
‘It‘s　hard　…　hard　to　do　the　work；　hard　on　you　…　it　hurts　you　some；　right？‘
‘Sometimes。‘
‘But　you　do　it　anyway；‘　Kelly　pointed　out。
‘Yes；‘　Sandy　said；　not　as　an　admission；　but　something　stronger。
‘That‘s　why　Tim　did　what　he　did。‘　He　saw　the　understanding　there；　or　perhaps　the　beginnings　of　it；　just　for　a　moment　before　her　lingering　grief　pushed　the　argument　aside。
‘It　still　doesn‘t　make　sense。‘
‘Maybe　the　thing　doesn‘t　make　sense；　but　the　people　do；‘　Kelly　suggested。　That　was　about　as　far　as　his　mind　stretched。　‘Sorry；　I‘m　not　a　priest；　just　a　broken…down　Navy　chief。‘
‘Not　too　broken　down；‘　O‘Toole　said；　finishing　her　lunch。　
‘And　part　of　that　is　your　doing；　ma‘am。　Thank　you。‘　That　earned　him　another　smile。
‘Not　all　our　patients　get　better。　We‘re　kind　of　proud　of　those　who　do。‘
‘Maybe　we‘re　all　trying　to　save　the　world；　Sandy；　one　little　bit　at　a　time；‘　Kelly　said。　He　rose　and　insisted　on　walking　her　back　to　the　unit。　It　took　the　whole　five　minutes　to　say　what　he　wanted　to　say。
‘You　know；　I‘d　like　to　have　dinner　with　you；　maybe？　Not　now；　but；　well　…‘
‘I‘ll　think　about　it；‘　she　allowed；　half　dismissing　the　idea；　half　wondering　about　it；　knowing　as　Kelly　did　that　it　was　too　soon　for　both　of　them；　though　probably　not　as　much　for　her。　What　sort　of　man　was　this？　she　asked　herself。　What　were　the　dangers　of　knowing　him？
C13
　　　　CHAPTER　13
Agendas
It　was　his　first…ever　visit　to　the　Pentagon。　Kelly　felt　ill　at　ease；　wondering　if　he　should　have　worn　his　khaki　chiefs　uniform；　but　his　time　for　wearing　that　had　passed。　Instead　he　wore　a　blue　lightweight　suit；　with　a　miniature　of　the　Navy　Cross　ribbon　on　the　lapel。　Arriving　in　the　bus　and　car　tunnel；　he　walked　up　a　ramp　and　searched　for　a　map　of　the　vast　building；　which　he　quickly　scanned　and　memorized。　Five　minutes　later　he　entered　the　proper　office。
‘Yes？‘　a　petty　officer　asked。
‘John　Kelly；　I　have　an　appointment　with　Admiral　Maxwell。‘　He　was　invited　to　take　a　seat。　On　the　coffee　table　was　a　copy　of　Navy　Times；　which　he　hadn‘t　read　since　leaving　the　service。　But　Kelly　was　able　to　control　his　nostalgia。　The　bitches　and　gripes　he　read　about　hadn‘t　changed　very　much。
‘Mr　Kelly？‘　a　voice　called。　He　rose　and　walked　through　the　open　door。　After　it　closed；　a　red　do…not…disturb　light　blinked　on　to　warn　people　off。
‘How　are　you　feeling；　John？‘　Maxwell　asked　first　of　all。
‘Fine；　sir；　thank　you。‘　Civilian　now　or　not；　Kelly　could　not　help　feeling　uneasy　in　the　presence　of　a　flag　officer。　That　got　worse　at　once　when　another　door　opened　to　admit　two　more　men；　one　in　civilian　clothes；　the　other　a　rear　admiral　…　another　aviator；　Kelly　saw；　with　the　medal　of　honor；　which　was　even　more　intimidating。　Maxwell　did　the　introductions。
‘I‘ve　heard　a　lot　about　you；‘　Podulski　said；　shaking　the　younger　man‘s　hand。
‘Thank　you；　sir。‘　Kelly　didn‘t　know　what　else　to　say。
‘Cas　and　I　go　back　a　ways；‘　Maxwell　observed；　handling　the　introductions。　‘I　got　fifteen‘　…　he　pointe